Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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