just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
