did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
