nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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