Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i think i just lost a toe
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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