if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
