Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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