She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
