saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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