Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
