i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
