i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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