Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
