I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
