Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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