I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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