It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
