called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
