Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
