Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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