Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
