I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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