cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize