One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
