I'm really into asian looking animals
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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