we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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