i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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