So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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