just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
