i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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