Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
