he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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