Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
