Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
