I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
