Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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