we have officially lost it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
