I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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