TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
