I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
