ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
