youre lurking in front of me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
