Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
