My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
