Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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