OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
