he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize