If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
