I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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