I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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