I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
