HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
