you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
