I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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