ugly people sure do ruin things
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize