so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
