This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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