so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
