her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
